i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
