smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
