you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
