I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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