he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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