and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
