THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize