Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
