allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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