I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
