My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
