I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
