if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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