I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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