Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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