i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
