now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
