i wish my penis had a tongue
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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