C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
