At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
