is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
