I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
