I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
