So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
