Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
