Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
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Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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