Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
