Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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