There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
