She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
