So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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