I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
