I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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