Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
