I think scott just propositioned me for sex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
