i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
