if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
