it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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