Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
