New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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