can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
