Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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