whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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