Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
