oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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