please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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