hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
