she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
