ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want to have your abortion
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He passed out mid-signature
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Randomize
