No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
