You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
