dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
