No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
