i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
