I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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