Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
