girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
