Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
