I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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