omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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