Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
