I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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