i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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